Raising Your Child
Parenting
How do we learn to be parents From modeling the behavior of our parents Parenting Extremes (undesirable)
Legalistic parent Permissive parent
The "Big Picture"
Moving from Survival…to Stability…to Success…to Significance Know where you are going.
A ship or boat is off course most of the time. Characteristics of successful families found in research literature (Covey)
- Communication that is clear, open, frequent, and honest
- Encouragement marked by mutual support and respect for family members
- Commitment through which members feel valued and have a sense of being part of a team.
- Appreciation that is characterized by a sense of delight, liking, warmth, and humor.
- Religious orientation manifested in either church or synagogue attendance or an adherence to a belief system.
- Adaptability to cope with stress and change in circumstances.
- Clear roles that are flexible but well defined.
- Time together that is reported as high in quantity and in quality.
- Participation in a support network that shares resources through family, friends, neighbors and community organizations.
Principles should guide rather than feelings or speculations
Principles are based on Truth with a "T" Truth with a "T" is found in God’s Word Example: the "Law of the Farm"
You can’t talk your way out of situations you behaved your self into.
Stages of Parenting
DISCIPLINE & TRAINING (Phases 1) Birth to Adolescence COACHING (Phase 2) Adolescence to Adulthood
FRIENDSHIP (Phase 3) Adulthood
Discipline and training set the foundation for Coaching and Friendship.
PARENTS DEFINE THE STANDARD
Combination of parents’ background, values, or desire
Biblical based/moral absolutes (Golden rule, etc.)
Expectations of behavior
Their home Friends/family’s home
Public places (store, doctor office, playground, restaurant, library)
Toward family members
Toward peer’s (sharing, helping, being kind)
Toward adults (respecting, honoring) Toward strangers
Acceptable/unacceptable
What rules will guide your child’s moral character. Should take them from birth to adulthood
Family Daycare/school
Community (church, little leagues, dance, scouts)
After school/weekend job
Career
Marriage
Their family
10 commandments
21 rules of this house
PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR TRAINING THEIR CHILD
Clearly define the rules
The standard begins with Dad and Mom
Model the correct/appropriate behavior A picture is worth 1000 words
Bring the child to the standard
Age appropriate Use words they can understand Physically & mentally capable
Birth – two-ish
Safety Socialization
Structure/Security
Three- five
Self-control First time obedience
Character development
Six – twelve
Independence Ethics
Morality
Teach the rules
Memorize Pre-activity encouragement
Verbal reminders
Dialog questions
Positive reinforcement
Give the reason why
Obedience must come from the inside to the outside Praise appropriate behavior
Reinforce good behavior with rewards Look for opportunities to affirm rules
Practice active parenting
Clearly define consequences
Types of disobedience Hurt others Hurt self
Destroy own property
Destroy other’s property
Rebellion against authority
Disrespect toward others
Forms of correction
Time out chair Remove child from room
Take away item causing disobedience
Take away privilege
Restitution
Spanking
When to administer correction
Childishness (instruction needed/not punishment)
New experience/situation Lack physical or mental ability
To young to know better
Foolishness (correction/punishment needed)
Choice to test/disobey rule
How to administer correction
In love First time obedience verses 1 … 2 … 3 …
Fairly
Privately
With dignity
Consistently
Correction mistakes to avoid
Focusing on all the don’ts Bribing
Ignoring misbehavior away from home (or at home)
Making excuses for inappropriate behavior
Yelling,
Repeating
Threatening Physical, mental, or emotional abuse
Summary
The purpose of training your child during the early years is to help them develop self-control to function successfully in their family unit and ultimately in society. A family structured with specific rules and consequences that are justly enforced helps a child feel secure. They want to know what is expected of them so they can please you. They want to know their world (home) is in order and when rules are not followed correction will be administered. Having a clear game plan makes parenting with purpose easier for you..
Building a healthy family
Family Identity
Interdependent (a desirable WE outlook) Interdependent provides satisfaction, protection, and security Independent (an undesirable ME outlook)
Each member goes his own way
Family Culture (Covey) Build good family memories Reading time Walks together
Family night
Family Goals or Vision
Goals or Visions should entail projects that make a positive contribution both inside and outside the family. The world should be better because your family was in it.
Spend time with extended family
Child learns security in family unit Child learns their importance in family
Child learns their good/bad behavior matters to family
Power of Community
Connecting with moral community Reinforces your values and importance of family values Source of positive peer pressure
Insulates your child against the elements of the world but doesn’t isolate them from world.
Examples:
Church Special programs geared to new parents, single parents
Close friends with Christian worldviews
The Yeager Group © 2000